Oh gosh, what a month!

The funeral was the 3rd, not something I want to think about so we’ll move swiftly on from that! We then had the interment of the ashes last Friday and that wasn’t as traumatic and went better for me than the funeral.

I’d entered shows on both the 8th and 9th, just us as S & T were going to Discover Dogs on the 8th and then up to Yorkshire on the 9th. I picked up Storm on Friday because I’d entered him on the 9th and we thought it would be easier than trying to pick him up at the weekend! I’d only entered Solei on the 8th, which was a mistake – should’ve put Storm in as well! I deliberated for ages before I sent the entry and almost put them both in but never mind. Solei had a lousy weekend – none of the judges were open to Phalenes! On Saturday he got 3rd out of 4 (beating the other Phalene) and on Friday 4th out of 5 (beating the same other Phalene!). I stayed on for the stakes on Sunday and the judge couldn’t take her eyes off him but he didn’t place, so I don’t know if she liked him but was unsure of the ears or what. Storm got a 3rd on Sunday, he ought to have done better but I love showing Storm…he’s so easy after Solei! Saturday was particularly nice because I got to see a friend who I haven’t seen for about a year and also meet another friend in person for the first time.

Last weekend S & T had entered an open show which I’d missing the closing date with for Solei (it was the end of October right in the middle of all “that”) but I was going to go anyway. Originally S thought she’d entered 2 dogs in all the classes so she and I were going to go to that whilst T had a prior engagement elsewhere. However, when we looked at the entries we discovered there were two dogs in only one of the classes so as S really wanted to go with T we decided to leave one of the two behind and I would go down and show them on my own. Ended up with two fourths and a third in decent size classes. It was a nice day.

Other than that the world is still in pieces! Apart from the initial weekend I’ve been going to shows as usual, and I’ve still being going to ringcraft but at the moment it’s more making myself than wanting to – I want to go for the dogs but not so much the people! Before all this I lived for S & T, I wanted to spend as much time with them and the dogs as possible and it was rare I didn’t go round to T’s at least once each week in addition to bathing. Since the 23rd October I’ve been to S’s once and T’s twice – one of the visits to T was just after Mystery was PTS because I wanted to see her after that and the other was a week after that because I needed to pick up Storm – and were it not for that I wouldn’t have gone. I think part of the reason T’s is so hard is because it feels so wrong without Mystery. The first time I went was just kind of surreal as it was less than 48 hours since we’d taken him to be PTS and my grandmothers funeral was the next day. The second time upset me more, it just made me think of him and felt so wrong without him.

I suppose the problem with bereavement is when it initially happens everyone is very sympathetic but as it doesn’t directly affect them they soon “forget” and everything goes back to normal….but for those directly affected it doesn’t.

I feel so lost and without direction, I don’t know where I’m going. I can’t believe this, but I just did a search because I thought I’d mentioned it in practically every post and I didn’t want to repeat myself yet again if I’d mentioned it recently but I don’t seem to have EVER mentioned Solei’s tooth here?! Can’t believe that but that’s what the search results say! A couple of weeks after I got Solei S was scaling his teeth and discovered he had a loose tooth. He’d literally just turned three so it was an incredible shock. I knew toy breeds had problems with their teeth but at the time I didn’t realise it wasn’t uncommon for them to lose teeth at four or five. I was so upset, not least because as I said I’d just got him and if I’d known before I had him I wouldn’t have had him. I wouldn’t trade him for the world now, but if I’d never had him I’d never have known so I wouldn’t miss him! This was August 2007 (having got him & his 3rd birthday being in July). At the time I was told I should have 12, maybe 18 months left.

It’s caused no end of tears over the last year, but having been carefuller than you can imagine with what he can and can’t have and can and can’t do (whilst letting him be a dog and not wrapping him totally in cotton wool!) I got him past the twelve months, gradually getting more paranoid along the way! In October I was cleaning his teeth (veeeeeeerrry gingerly as ever!) and when I touched his loose one it moved so much for a minute I thought I’d knocked it out. I asked T to have a look at she said hopefully there were still a few more months in it.

As you may remember when I got Solei I had him because he was a lovely dog, but had never been shown much because Storm & Jason are very similar in age, and being two of their best dogs and Papillons as well, poor Sol got pushed behind them! So he never had a chance at getting points for his Junior Warrant (JW. Too late now) or getting himself “seen” and over the last year that’s what we’ve been doing, with some success. My ultimate goal for Solei was to get his stud book number, and to do that you need your JW, 1st in Limit (at a Ch show) 1st, 2nd or 3rd in Open (at a Ch show) or a RCC or CC. When I decided that I never dreamt he’d only have one show season to do it in! So now the show season has all but ended and he hasn’t done it. There is 1 show next month, 2 in January and then the next one isn’t until the end of March (excluding Crufts). I really can’t see that tooth being in by the end of March (which is damn sod’s law because the judge gave Tanya, Solei’s aunt, a CC a couple of years ago and may well like him!) so I’ve put him in for both Limit & Open at both the January shows in a last ditch attempt to try either for his stud book number or to at least qualify for Crufts 2010, and all I want is for that tooth to stay in until after the 17th January! He’s never done two classes running at a championship show before nor has he ever done an Open class and to top it all I’m not able to go to either show so I hope he shows his best.

I keep telling myself things will get better but with one thing after another it really doesn’t feel like it at the moment!